


Agatha is Visiting

by bazypitchandsimonsnow (ChessPargeter)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [1]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Agatha finds out, Domestic, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 11:48:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11379573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChessPargeter/pseuds/bazypitchandsimonsnow
Summary: Agatha comes for dinner at the Snow-Bunce flat over a year after the Christmas Incident.Based on the sentence prompt "I was really hoping someone would state the obvious" from xyalovegood on Tumblr.





	Agatha is Visiting

**Author's Note:**

> Crowley this is way longer than I expected! But it sort of spun out of control. So this is my take on the "Agatha finds out" story. Hope you all like it :D

**Simon**

I'm furiously cleaning the flat, Penny is making dinner, and Baz is being absolutely no help.

He’s lounging, with his feet on the coffee table and hands behind his head. I stand between him and the TV on purpose.

“Hey! I'm watching that, Snow!

“Exactly,” I say. “You're watching the news instead of helping me.”

“Keeping up with current events is important, love.”

I kick his feet off the table. He pouts at me in that adorable way he knows I can't resist. I falter slightly, smiling a bit, but no. I will not be budged by my adorable puppy looking boyfriend.

I toss a rag at his face. “Wipe the table, please.”

Baz huffs, but complies. He does it lazily, completely uninterested in the activity.

“I don't know why you're panicking, Snow. You power cleaned this place yesterday. I don't think a single dust mite survived your massacre.”

“Because it has to look spotless! We haven't seen Agatha in over a year and I want stuff to look nice for her.”

Baz raises one eyebrow. “If I were the jealous type, which I'm certainly not, I'd say you were trying to impress your ex. Not looking to win her back, are you Snow?”

He says it with a smirk, but I hear a hint of genuine concern in his voice. I hate seeing him like this, I really do. I lean the mop against the wall, then walk over to him in three long strides. I grab his stupid pretty face and kiss him firmly. He gasps initially, but quickly melts into it. His eyes flutter shut as he moves his mouth against mine. I pull away but I don't let go of his cheeks. His face is a bit flushed and his perfect lips are hanging open. I can feel heat spreading across my own face.

“No, absolutely not,” I say flatly. I'm trying to look determined. (I hope I don't look stupid. Penny says I look weird when I'm trying to be serious.)

He smiles the way he always does when we're being soft. “Good. Glad we've cleared that up, Simon.”

I let my hands fall down, tracing his sharp shoulders and thin arms until I'm holding his wrists.

“Besides, Penny already told Agatha. So she won't even think she has a chance.”

“Um,” Penny yells from the kitchen, “about that...”

“Oh Crowley,” Baz mutters. He gets it immediately. It takes me an extra second.

Then the utter dread sets in.

My blood goes cold. I think my face turns actual sheet white. “You didn't tell her, did you Pen?”

Penelope sticks her head out, fiddling with the “Feminist” apron I got her for Christmas. She smiles sheepishly.

“It never really came up when we texted. And we text so infrequently to start with. So yeah. I'm pretty sure I never told her...”

I lean back against the table and run hand through my already pretty tangled hair.

“Fuck,” I whisper.

“I'm really sorry, Simon! I should've told her, I know.”

“I-It’s fine, Pen. We just...we won't tell her.”

“What?” Baz’s tone is surprisingly flat. He's less angry and more confused. Penny quickly retreats back to dinner. I turn to face him.

“I mean...it's a pretty shocking thing. And Agatha had enough shocking things last time she was in England. So maybe we don't tell her, at least not tonight. If we keep in contact after this, I'll definitely tell her. But this is the first time I've seen her in so long and I really don't want her rage stomping out of here.”

Baz’s lips twist slightly, but he sighs and nods. “Yes, I see your logic. I would prefer her not leaving either, for your sake.” He looks away nervously. “Should...should I leave then?”

I immediately grab his hand, lacing his long fingers with mine. “No! No, I want you here. We'll just say we've become friends after Watford.”

He smiles, and I think my heart melts into my shoes. Or socks, really. (Who wears shoes indoors?)

“Alright,” he says softly.

I lean forward to kiss him again, but a sharp knock jolts me upright. My blood goes cold again. I look at Baz panicked.

“Please put the mop away,” I whisper. Then I kiss his cheek and rush for the door.

I don't know what I was expecting when I opened it, but this seems pretty close. Agatha, still blonde and pretty, but with sun kissed tan skin and wearing a nice sundress. She smiles, and I remember how I use to melt at that. But not anymore. Though I'm still happy. I have missed her a lot.

“Hi Simon,” she says.

“Hi Agatha.” I lean forward and hug her. She hugs me back, but I feel some awkwardness in her embrace. I don't blame her. It's weird seeing your ex after over a year of no contact. Especially considering the circumstances in which she left.

I lead her into the flat, shutting the door behind me. She looks around and nods at it.

“Nice place,” she says.

“Thanks. Pen and I really like it.”

“Where is Penelope?”

“In here!” Penny pops her head out through the kitchen door, grinning ear to ear. “Hi Agatha!”

“Jeez, are you actually cooking, Penelope? I thought you hated it.”

“I do. But letting Simon in the kitchen is asking for a disaster.”

“Hey!” I snap. “I'm a brilliant cook.”

“You make boxed Mac & Cheese most of the time, Simon.”

I turn up my nose. “And it's brilliant Mac & Cheese!”

“My taste buds would disagree, Snow.”

Baz emerges from the utility closet, thumbs hooked in his jean pockets. Crowley, I forgot how hot those jeans are. But I resist the urge to go over and wrap my arms around his torso and sneak my hand into his back pocket, like I usually do.

“Ah,” Agatha says, “hello, Baz.”

“Right!” I sound far too frantic, fuck. “Baz and I have become friends after Watford! Without the Humdrum and civil war, we uh, found we had a lot in common. Thought it'd be nice for you to see another familiar face.” I chuckle nervously. Both Baz and Penny glare at me, telepathically sending the same message. _You're fucking up your own plan, you idiot._

Agatha raises an eyebrow, but nods in agreement. “Well that was nice of you to think of that. Pleasure to see you again, Baz.” She offers her hand, and Baz takes it like the amazing gentleman he is.

“Likewise, Wellbelove.”

Their hands fall, and an awkward silence hangs. Crowley this is bad. Agatha is standing between her ex boyfriend and ex crush, who are now dating each other, but she doesn't know that. I'm living in a bad romcom.

“Dinner's done! Simon come help me serve! Baz, please set the table.” Penelope's voice is a wonderful relief

“Thank Merlin,” I whisper. “Coming, Penny!”

Baz and I exchange and meaningful glance. This is not going to be easy. For either of us.

* * *

 

“So how's California?” I make an effort to not talk with my mouth full. Though I'm not exactly succeeding. Penny's glare tells me that.

“Oh it's great,” Agatha says as she gingerly cuts some chicken. “It’s sunny all the time and we eat tacos for lunch a lot. Despite it being ‘frantic’ America, I find it all very clam, actually. I like it a lot.”

“Glad to hear!” I really am. Agatha deserves to be happy.

“How about you, Simon? London treating you well?”

“Pretty well. School has been interesting. I think I might go into social work. Y'know, help kids like me.”

“That's exceedingly noble.”

I point my fork at Baz next to me. “That's what he said. Baz helps me with the maths part of the courses.”

“Going to the London School of Economics makes you pretty good at maths,” he says from behind his hand. He's eating a bit. Just enough so his fangs don't pop out. But he's still cautious.

“And that's why I keep you around.” I smile smugly at him. He rolls his eyes in a very exaggerated way. I really want to lean over and kiss him. But I don't want to spook Agatha. So I just touch his knee against mine. I see some red appear on his cheeks. I hope I'm not blushing as much, because-

“Alright!” Agatha lightly slaps the table, enough to make us jump a bit. We all turn to look at her. “I was really hoping someone would state the obvious.”

“W-What do you mean, Agatha?” Fucking Merlin and Crowley fuck we're screwed.

“You,” she points at me, “are not at all subtle.”

Baz chuckles a bit, (the prat.) Agatha turns her accusatory finger to him.

“Don't act smug, Basilton. You aren't much better. You're blushing like a lovestruck schoolgirl. So tell me, when did this,” she gestures wildly to the two of us, “start?”

I look down at my plate, picking at my nails under the table (nervous tick according to my therapist.) “Around Christmas. Not the last one, but the one before. Y'know...that one. It's a long story. But that's when it started.”

“Before or after Penny and I showed up at Hampshire?”

I sink further into myself. “...before. I know it's shocking but I promise, Baz and I are very happy together. Please don't be upset!”

I expect her to stand up and storm out. Or to yell at me for not telling her. Or worse, to scold me and say I'm a madman. (Which I am, just not about this.)

Instead, she laughs a bit.

I look up. She's chuckling and shaking her head. “Upset? Why would I be upset?”

I'm fucking stunned, obviously. I look at Baz. He looks just as confused. Same for Penny.

“Because, I'm your ex-boyfriend and he's your ex-crush and now we're dating each other and we haven't seen you in over a year!”

Agatha sighs. “Simon, we broke up ages ago. And even when we were together, it's not like we were happy. And Baz was just a silly schoolgirl crush. Sorry Baz.”

“Quite alright. I only flirted with you to get under Snow’s skin. I'm incredibly gay.”

If I were Agatha, I'd be pissed at being used. But Agatha just nods. Just accepting his statement with ease. Maybe it’s a mutual acceptance. They both used each other, I guess.

“So,” I start, “you don't think it's weird?”

“Well, of course it's weird!”

I frown, and Agatha waves her hands back and forth.

“No no. I mean, considering your previous relationship, solely at face value, it's weird. But I guess looking back, I can see how it could end up like this. You _were_ bloody obsessed with each other. It makes sense.”

Penny slams down her fork. “That's what I said!”

Agatha smiles at Penny, then at me. “The most important part is that you two are happy. And you definitely are, right?”

I look at Baz. I think of all I've been through the past year and a bit. Every movie night, every long walk, every lunch, every lazy cuddle, every “sleepless” night, every breakdown and recovery. And how Baz has been there every time, and I want him to keep being there. I can look at his gorgeous face and feel resounding relief, utter joy, and simple contentment all at once.

And from the look he has, I have no doubt he feels the same.

I reach to grab his hand on the table. “Yeah,” I say, “absolutely.”

Agatha gives one solid nod. “Good.”

We all resume eating our food. I haven't let go of Baz’s hand. It makes eating more difficult but I don't care. I'd rather be holding his hand than anything else.

“Besides,” Agatha says, mouth filled with chicken, “I found out about your relationship months ago.”

“WHAT?!”

We're like a bloody choir of simultaneous shock. Penny has dropped her utensils. I choke on some rice. Baz even stands up to slam his hands on the table. Agatha throws her head back laughing.

“Oh the looks on your faces,” she sputters out between giggles. “Priceless!”

“What, the fuck Wellbelove?” Baz is absolutely seething.

“Yeah what the fucking hell Agatha?” I say hoarsely, having nearly died by rice asphyxiation.

Agatha wipes a laughing tear from her eye. “I've known for awhile now. I expected you guys to be open about it. But no, Simon (I assume), cooked up some scheme as to not upset me or something. So since you decided to be cagey assholes, I decided to mess with you a bit. Only a bit though. I’m not a monster. Also I wanted to get some information. I was genuinely curious as to when this all started.”

“B-But how?! Penny, you said you didn't tell her!”

“I didn't!” Penny retorts.

Agatha rolls her eyes. “How else? The internet. I saw your cute pics on Instagram. You're sickenly adorable.”

I furrow my brow. “But, my Instagram is private and I'm sure you didn't follow me.”

“Your's is. Baz’s isn't. I followed him out of sheer curiosity. Lo and behold, there was a photo of you two out for ice cream, with the caption 'best boyfriend got me a waffle cone.’ And seriously Basilton, do you need that many sprinkles? Your sweet tooth is out of control.”

“Baz!” I shout. “Why didn't you tell me she followed you?!”

Baz throws his arms up. “I didn't know! I have over three thousand followers! I don't always check up on new ones.” He slumps back in his chair with a humph.

I hold my head in my hands and groan. “So sorry, Agatha.”

“Oh don't apologize, Simon.”

“But weren't you upset?”

She shrugs. “I mean, I was shocked at first. But what I said before is 100% true. It's a seemingly weird outcome after Watford, but it really does make sense. You two were like fucking magnets. And I'm really glad you're happy. Both of you. You deserve that, after everything.”

I sigh and grin. Even Baz is smiling a bit. I reach out and place my hand over her's. “Thank you.”

She grins back. “You're welcome, Simon.”

Baz merely gives a nod, but she nods back, so I think he got the same message across.

“Now,” Agatha says, “I want to finish this lovely chicken. It's really quite nice, Penny.”

We eat in comfortable silence for a bit. Then Penelope slams her fork down (again).

“Wait,” she says, “why didn't you mention you knew over our texts?”

Agatha shrugs. “It never came up.”

Penny’s mouth hangs open, but Baz and I just burst out laughing. The two girls start arguing about the merits of discussing serious information over text. I let my head fall onto Baz’s shoulder. He puts an arm around me. I feel warm and safe next to him. And I'm glad I can do this in front of both of my oldest friends now.

Crowley, I did not expect the evening to end up like this.

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to xyalovegood for the prompt! Had way too much fun with this lol.
> 
> I think Agatha is just cruel enough to make them squirm but not enough to actually be mean. Plus she's smart. Even if she didn't know it's not like she wouldn't notice how Baz and Simon act. 
> 
> Also I like to think Baz has one of those edgy aesthetic Instagrams with tons of followers that gets occasionally (honestly frequently) interrupted by cute photos of/with Simon. Simon's Instagram would be a lot of pretty photos of/with Baz, sometimes of Penny (she hates it), and really artsy pictures of food. May create those in the future :)


End file.
